The Last Waltz

Yesterday my cousin threw out a random list of thoughts on her blog. This is what #7 said:

7. I wish I could remember more about my Grandma Ina. I wonder a lot if I'm like her at all...

Her simple words struck a chord, resonating curiosity in me and memories in my aunt.

I don't really want to call it this, but what followed from that post resembles a college lecture. The best, most intriguing, makes-you-want-to-keep-learning-forever lecture, where one person passes on golden knowledge that you feel may be intended only for your ears (and the lucky few there in class with you). The kind of information that you know the instant you hear it, you will not only never forget it, but you will tell people about it for many years after.

My cousin simply posed the question. One I'm sure all of us Kordas girls have wondered for so long. With me being the oldest at 10 when she died, I can only imagine the questions my young cousins have about my grandmother. I remember the little, obvious things a 10 year old would. What she looked like, petite like me and blonde. I remember her always either cooking or gardening, her food always the most delicious, her flowers the most beautiful. I knew she liked sweets and kept her home tidy, I don't ever recall seeing her in jeans.

It was the stuff I didn't know that is fascinating. The things I needed my aunt to say to make me sure I am just as much a part of Ina as I am that big hearted, generous, jokester Victor.

It's reassuring to hear that she is where my junk food gene comes from. That she loved chocolate and McDonald's. In fact ate it, then went home, squeezed in a bite or two of dinner and always kept her teeny figure. That she is where my hopeless romantic streak originated, the kind that has you snuggling on the couch with your guy and crying at (Todd says ridiculous) scenes in movies. That, like me, she was shy until she got to know you, loved floral prints and music (though I can't quite understand her obsession with Englebert Humperdink?), baking and Sixteen Candles.

I like to think that, though my life has had many twists and turns, she would be proud of who I am right now. That she would recognize her characteristics in me. The self will that kept me going when others tried to hold me back, the strength to endure what was necessary when I needed to get through hard times, and the strong family bonds that motivate me through my darkest hours. I like to think she would find joy in seeing herself in the gray eyes of my little children, and giggle at the strong resemblance of Victor in Nate. That it would please her to see them working hard in the garden, baking cookies from scratch in the kitchen, loving the wonders of the ocean.

I'm walking away from this lecture feeling sure of the direction I'm headed in. I feel a bit more confident about why I am how I am and a bit happier knowing the history behind some of it.

Like every good student does, I also printed off my notes. Just in case the kiddos want to copy them later.