Moral Support

This morning, as soon as I had a chance, I checked my cousin's blog. Her entry today began with a little rant about sacrifice and finding yourself in an unanticipated place. It included a snippet of her love story, one that will take on a new form next month after a beautiful wedding.

Through her post I could almost feel her frustration at those who assume her path to happiness was lined with sunshine and roses. That it never saw storm clouds, never felt a frosty chill, never needed repaving.

Here's what I have to say to her (...and you guys too, since you feel like listening.)

I may not have traveled around the world, but my life has taken me to many places. My experiences were not always perfect, sometimes I returned from them heartbroken and confused. After one particularly difficult journey I stumbled across a fellow diamond in the rough. A friend in the same confused state as me, not sure of what path to follow next.

We had known each other all our lives, meeting in kindergarten many many years before. We were friends, but not by much. Our lives teetered on the edge of a very small social circle. The kind where we saw each other frequently but were alone very rarely.

For whatever reason, we eventually found ourselves spending lots of time together. We quickly became good friends, finding outrageous commonalities in each other. Our time sitting around with others slowly turned into nights going out to the movies, a trip to dinner for two, an evening phone call, a daily meeting. When we realized what was going on we worked very hard to minimize it, hide it from some people, we even tried to put an end to our budding relationship. (That breakup only lasted 2 days and cemented all of the things that followed.) We talked long and hard about what was happening, what we expected to come away from it with, what we would do if it crashed and burned. The end decision was that we would take it very slowly and with extreme caution so no one would be hurt and neither of us would ever regret the choice we made.

Within a month of this discussion he whispered he loved me in my ear at the very loud and noisy Duck Inn. (Right after he told me I had the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen, they are so pretty, they look like... moss.) At his brothers wedding 2 months later we both felt the knowing gaze of his grandparents as we twirled around the dance floor. I left that weekend in Ohio knowing half of the people there would eventually be at our own wedding.

Over the last 10+ years together, 5+ years of marriage, 2+ kids on our knees, we have made millions of sacrifices. (Him much more than me, though you may not know that by peering in from the outside.) We have proceeded through our life together always considerate of what the other wants and needs, our combined dreams and goals, the best interests of our family. There are lots of things we do that some people may not understand, loads of choices we've made that are unconventional, and follow a drum that beats only in our ears. It all makes sense to us, even when it doesn't make sense to anyone else.

Now, I don't know if there is anyone out there that envies us. (Really, we don't care one way or another if they do.) I also don't believe anyone thinks we had it easy. (And even so, it wasn't half as hard as others may think.) But I do know that it is the sacrifices that make people envious and the faith you have in each other that makes it seem easy.

Eventually, you will come to a point in your life (seems impossible now, if your friends are all happily rushing to the alter as ours once did) when some relationships around you start to self destruct. When that happens, you'll realize you have something they don't. You'll have a relationship in which you can communicate with each other, where you consider the others thoughts and feelings before you make a decision, where you can resolve a conflict without always having an argument.

The sacrifices won't ever stop, but since you're willing to make them for each other in order to live a life that makes sense to you, others will be envious. They'll say you have it easy. That you don't understand what it's like to have to work hard for something. That you're lucky. What they won't know is that you work at it every day. That is always hard work and that there is very little luck involved at all.

The difference is that you found a person willing to give up some their dreams to accept and work toward yours. Someone willing to make the ultimate sacrifice, so that you will both live happily ever after.