Every parent knows how wonderful it is to hold your new baby. That second the doctor gives them to you, it is pure magic. Beautiful, breathtaking, awesome in the truest sense of the word.
As your child grows, you enjoy all of life's simple pleasures trough this little person. You can once again play tag with endless energy, create wondrous masterpieces with crayons and construction paper, sing like a top recording artist. But, you also endure the difficulties of childhood all over again. Scraped knees, bruised elbows, the occasional broken heart. Some times you feel like you could pull your hair out in frustration, others you can't hold back raging laughter. Parenthood brings with it a range of emotions indescribable to those without children. It is the purest sort of love, effective immediately. Even before the crying, pooping, sleepless thing arrives, you love it more than anyone in the entire world. (Unless, of course, it has older siblings.)
Today, my baby turns 12. Through the years he has irritated me to no end, made me laugh darn near wetting my pants, had me in tears during his own struggles. His birth brought me light in a very dark place, his childhood filled my most stressful days with laughter, every day he makes me grateful to be alive.
I am at a place now where every parent must eventually go. This year I'll say goodbye to my wide eyed baby, slowly bid adieu to the little child that used to come home with bugs in his pockets. I don't like it, no parent does, but it is inevitable.
Next year he'll be a teenager. He'll think I'm foolish instead of funny, nosy rather than supportive, cruel despite my best intentions. I've promised myself I will try to be understanding of his ambiguity, of his growth, of his need for space. I've sworn I will do my best to let him test the waters for himself, trust in his decisions, support his choices. I know I will have a difficult time letting go of my little boy. It will take me all 12 months and at the end I will still be kicking and screaming, trying to hold on.
1 comment:
Happy Birthday Nate!
It is so hard to believe that I was your age now when you were born. You were the first baby I held besides Katie (and you were a much better baby than she was - she was very evil by the time she could walk).
I remember babysitting you at our house when it was new, we played in the basement with Fishers Price people complete with the mountain and train tracks too.
Most of all I remember how excited we all were for you to arrive - a new baby, toddler, and then little boy to play with at holidays at Grandpa's. You are still the best Hide & Seeker I have ever met in my 24 years.
Just like us girls with your Mom, we are older now, not as akin to playing games over visiting with adults, and in your eyes, probably a bit "uncool" and out-of-touch with your new Jr. High world, but I hope someday just like your Mom and I, that we will be great friends.
We hope you have a spectacular birthday & we can't wait to celebrate with you soon!
Love, Jenny & Jarrin
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